went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
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we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
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I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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