Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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