i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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