hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
