im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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