i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
