Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
