I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
