Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
