Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here