Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.