I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!