i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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