TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.