dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.