if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
