Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
