Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
