Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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