i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
