Non-Jews are for practice
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
