im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
