actually, I'm a sock model
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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