Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
