the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize