It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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