I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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