i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
