Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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