You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
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there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
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I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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