there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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