Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
