You're completely useless in the revolution.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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