Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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