Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
