So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
