I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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