i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
