i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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