I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She announced her abortion via fbk
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
