you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
