Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
