I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
