woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
