my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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