I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
