im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We are two peas in an std pod
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
