meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
