took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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