you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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