last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
