Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Porn is love you can see.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
