can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
