So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
