I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
