were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
