I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
