Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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