I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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