no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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