Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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