oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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