I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
