Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
